Agreeable

Does it sometimes feel like you are trying too hard to be agreeable? 

That's what I feel like. 

It's not that I really care about what people think about me per se. It's more the fact that I don't want to offend anyone because I don't mean any of my words to be malicious 98% of the time. 

But it's hard to express your opinion without offending anyone. It's practically impossible. But yet I find myself trying. 

So I suppose I can't actually say that 'I don't care what people think of me' because then I will be a hypocrite. I think it's human nature to care to some extend. 

When I say I don't care I think it's more the fact that I don't care if they think I am different or strange instead I relish in it. So what is it about people's opinions about me that I care about?

I think in all honesty what I care about and fear is people's hostility. I would go as far as to say that I don't care about what people think about me as long as their opinions of me does not lead to hostility in their attitude towards me. 

I think it's that fear of hostility that drives me to ultimately care about people's opinions about me to some extend. 

But I think this fear is decapitating. I have allowed the fear to limit my ability to express my true opinions and be the sassy self that I know I can be. 

So how do I limit the effect this fear have on my social interactions? 

I will probably do what I normally do - throw myself off into the deep-end. Sooner or later I will have to learn how to swim. 

In this case, the deep really just involved me forcing myself to state my opinion that I am not comfortable stating around people that I might not be comfortable with. Then I will realise "hey it's not that bad."

Everything is easier said than done. But I will try. 

♥W=3ndu